Drunk Snake
by fullmetalkirby529
Summary: What happens when Snake gets drunk? This is based on a chatzy chat. Shout out to all my friends from chaty who are a big part of this.
1. The Madness Begins

Snake stood in the Phantomhive manor. The only one with him him snakes. He stood there lonely doing nothing. He was bored very bored. He had no idea what to do. He just stood there silently. Emily was on him thinking of Yaoi. Emily was a Yaoi obsessed fangirl. All of a sudden Lady Elizabeth ran in screaming with a glass of champagne in her hand. She was very drunk.

"Oh yeah mother fucker" yelled Lizzie. Snake stared at Lizzie with an awkward look. Lizzie stared at Snake.

"Gets some bitch" screamed Lizzie! Snake shrugged and grabbed some champagne. He looked at it and took a drink. His eyes widened wide. He realized the greatness in the drink. He then went and gathered the rest of the champagne in the house. He drunk all of it and didn't regret it. He then ran into Ciel's office.

"KEATS" screamed Snake!

"Excuse me?" Asked Ciel.

"KEATS!" Screamed Snake. Snake then ran out of Ciel's office. He then started doing an epic dance. He did a handstand and stood on his head. He then spines around a bit.

"I am the cactus lord!" Said Snake. All of his snakes jumped off of him and started dancing again.

"KEATS!" Said Snake. He did more epic dances. Sebastian walked in and looked at him.

"What are you doing?" Asked Sebastian. Snake stared Sebastian deep in the eyes.

"Life" replied Snake.


	2. Sebastian and the Kitten

Snake stood there starring at Sebastian. Sebastian had an odd look on his face. He stood wondering what "Life" meant.

"What do you mean?" Asked Sebastian. Snake starred deeper in to Sebastian's the eyes.

"KEATS!" Said Snake. Keats the snake then jumped up and started doing a epic snake dance. Keats wiggled around the room having an amazing time. Snake then continued dancing. He went over to Sebastian wiggling around him.

"Ble Ble Ble" said Snake. Sebastian looked at Snake.

"I must get back to my job. A butler has his duties" said Sebastian. Sebastian then walked outside to look at the plants Finny just grew. He needed to observe the plants. He then saw a cute little kitten roaming around the property. Sebastian grabbed the kitten.

"Your such a splendid creature" said Sebastian. He looked at the kitten and loved it.

"Oh how darling you are" stated Sebastian. He petted the kitten and loved it. Snake the peeked his head out the door. He starred at Sebastian and the kitten. He had a naughty idea. He ran grabbed the cat and ran to his room. Sebastian would be soon to follow.


	3. Snake messed up big time

Snake sat in the room with the kitten. He was per the kitty and nuzzled it. The cat enjoyed it. But soon the cat got bored. The cat attacked Oscar. The cat pounced on Oscar. Oscar jumped up and bit the cat. The cat jumped back. The good thing was that bite wasn't deadly. The cat ran over to Oscar. Snake grabbed Oscar and put him on top of him.

"That's enough playing" said Snake. Snake then started wiggling his tongue.

"The square route of my favorite color is pineapple" said Snake. Snake didn't know what he was saying.

"I love it when the cream fish visits and gives me candy for breakfast. I always take the Banjo." Said Snake. Sebastian stormed up to Snake's room. He knocked on Snake's door furiously.

"Open up Snake!" Screamed Sebastian.

"Why?" Asked Snake. Sebastian got really mad and knocked on the door again.

"Because of the freakin kitty, now open up!" Yelled Sebastian. Snake wondered what would happen if he opened the door. He imagined the result being his death.

"No" Replied Snake.

"That's it your getting it!" Shouted Sebastian. Sebastian bursted down Snake's door. Snake stared at Sebastian with the cat in his arm. Snake looked at Sebastian with a pleading smile. The cat and the snakes hid in the corner. Sebastian grabbed Snake and punched him in the face five times.

"Oww!"Screamed Snake. Sebastian then kicked Snake in the ball. Snake was to hurt to say anything.

"Well I think you learned your lesson" said Sebastian. Sebastian grabbed the kitten and exited Snake's room. Snake then heard a sneeze. He then heard Ciel yelling at Sebastian. Snake left his room.

Sebastian then looked at him with a scared look. Snake stoke out his tongue and walked away.


	4. Dancing with the reapers

Snake was walking away from Sebastian and Ciel. He was very happy it wasn't him getting yelled at. He was drunk and sort of being of jerk. He walked then walked downstairs into the dining room he started dancing again He was having the time of his life. All of a sudden Grell popped in and jumped on the table.

"Where is my Bassy?!" Asked Grell.

"He is getting a spanking" said Snake. Grell stared at him with a confused look. Snake then started to dance again.

"Yolo" said Grell. Grell then started dancing with Snake. Snake's snakes picked up Grell and threw him out the window.

"So fun" exclaimed Grell. Grell then ran away. Snake was happy with what he did.


	5. Swimming in a Lake

Snake was walking down the halls of the manor. He was bored and had nothing to do. Of course he was still very drunk. He was walking and then felt an urge to starts skipping. He then started skipping through the halls. He started skipping faster and faster. He eventually made his way to the living room. He sat down on the couch. He rested his head and started thinking about life.

"Life is good" thought Snake. He just rested there thinking about that same thought. He was liking it.

"KEATS!" He screamed randomly. A few minutes later Lady Elizabeth walked in now not drunk. She sat down next to him and sighed.

"What's wrong?" Asked Snake. Lizzie looked at Snake. She examined his face.

"Ciel left me for the little blonde Spider boy" replied Lizzie.

"You mean Lord Trancy?" Asked Snake. Lizzie nodded her head. Snake then grabbed Lizzie and pulled her close.

"I love you" said Snake. Lizzie then started blushing. She looked at Snake and examined him again.

"I love you to. We need a couple name" said Lizzie. Snake then kissed Lizzie on the lips. Lizzie kisses back harder. They kisses for about 5 minutes before they released.

"How about lake?" Asked Lizzie. Snake looked Lizzie straight in the eyes.

"I'm swimming in a great big lake, and I think I'm gonna swim to the deep end" said Snake.


	6. New Names

Snake in Lizzie where right there. They hugged and kissed for five minutes straight. , do

"I love you, do you love me?" Asked Snake. Lizzie looked Snake deep in the eyes.

"My new name is Like Totally" said Lizzie. They then kissed again. Snake then licked her face. Lizzie liked it. She was so happy. Even though Snake was drunk this love was true. Snake looked at Lizzie again.

"You should also have a petty name. How about Lizle?" Asked Snake. Lizzie nodded. They then looked at eachother. They knew what they wanted to do. Snake took off his shirt. Lizzie started taking off hers too. They where both naked when Sebastian came in.

"DON'T YOU DARE FUCK ON THAT COUCH!" Yelled Sebastian


	7. RUN RUN RUN

Snake and Lizzie looked over at Sebastian.

"Get off the couch!" Yelled Sebastian. Snake jumped off the couch. He then quickly put his clothes back on. Sebastian started to work over to Snake with an angry look on his face. Snake ran away as fast as he could. Sebastian started chasing him.

"Get back here!" Yelled Sebastian. Snake ran to a window and opened it. Snake then jumped out of the window. Sebastian then followed. Snake ran into the woods. He kept running and running until he found a large rock. He ran a hid behind the roc

"Where did you run off to?! Asked Sebastian. Eventually after about 20 minutes Sebastian went back to the manor. Snake sighed. He stood up and was gonna go try to find a place to live. He couldn't go back to the manor yet. He needed temporary home. He was gonna go look but then he saw a bear right in front of him.


	8. Snake Vs Bear

Snake looked down the bear. The bear then growled. The beast then jumped out at Snake. Oscar then jumped off of Snake and bit the bear. The bear jumped back. It growled again. I then attacked Oscar. Oscar slithered up a tree. The bear went back to attacking Snake. Oscar then jumped off of the tree and bit the bear again. Then Emily and Bronte jumped and bit the bear too. The bear then wiggled around and got the snakes off of itself. The bear then grabbed Emily with its mouth. It then threw Emily in a bush. Snake then slapped the bear I. The face. The bear then got scared and ran away. Emily slithered back to Snake.

"What a bitch" said Snake.


	9. Anything for Bassy

It was a about a half an hour after Snake defeated the bear. He was just walking through the woods with his snakes. He spotted Sebastian and Grell talking about something. He got closer to listen. He didn't want to be seen so he ducked down behind a bush.

"Okay that will be it" said Sebastian.

"Okay Bassy, anything for you" said Grell.

"What are they talking about?" Thought Snake. They started walking away from each other so Snake ducked down more. When they were both gone he stood up. He started walking toward. A few minutes later Grell jumped out a tree and tackled Snake. He then jumped off of Snake and landed right in front of him.

"Sorry Snake deary but Bassy told me to do this" said Grell. Grell started up his chainsaw and ran over to Snake. Snake started running away. Oscar jumped off and bit Grell.

"Oww get off me you stupid Snake" said Grell. Grell shook Oscar off. All of the snakes slithered over to Grell. They jumped up to bight him but they were too late. Grell grabbed them and tights them all together.

"Sorry about this Honey" said Grell. Grell jumped onto a tree. He then jumped from tree to tree into the distance.

"No my friends!" Yelled Snake. Snake started running towards Grell, but he was already gone. Now Snake was alone, with no one in sight.


	10. A little bit of Feels in the Rain

Snake walked through the woods. It was raining outside. He had know one. He had to run from him home. His snakes were token away. He had know one, nothing. It was horrible. It was just him in the cold rain rain. He walked still drunk but now depressed. He was thinking that he was crazy. He was so sad. He decided to sit. He thought about himself. He thought about losing people. First he lost his circus friends, then his mansion friends, then finally his snake friends. He started crying. You couldn't even see his tears as it mixed with the rain. It became dark. He started walking again. He looked and saw a small light coming from a distance.


	11. Light in the House

Snake followed the light. It led to small house in the middle of the woods.

'Who could live here?" Snake thought as he approached the house. He walked inside. At this point Snake had become sober. He heard chopping coming from the kitchen. He slowly walked towards the kitchen. Inside he saw Lizzie chopping some carrots.

"Lizzie!" Snake screamed as ran over to Lizzie and glomped her. She giggled.

"Hi Snakey Wakey! I built this house so we could live together!" Lizzie stated.

"Oh that's great! Oh... But won't your family miss you?" Asked Snake. Lizzie frowned.

"Yeah... I didn't really think... It was just in the moment with Sebastian yelling and all that." I just built this house. I will have to go back though. But you can probably go back to the Phantomhive Manor now. I bet they forgive you." Exclaimed Lizzie. Snake thought about it. He could think clearly.

"Maybe... We should stay here for the night and think about it." Snake said.

"Okay" said Lizzie. So that's what they did.


	12. A Little Deal

It was the morning after Snake found the house his lover built. When he woke up Lizzie was gone. He looked around for her but he couldn't find her. He found a note by the front door. This is what it said

Dear Snake

My mother came by in the middle of the night to take me away. I didn't want tThiso wake her up so I begged her to let me write this note. I wanted to wish you good luck with trying to get back in the manor. I don't know if we will be able to stay together. Are statuses aren't the same. I want to see you again. I want to kiss you. I'm in tears while writing this.

Love Lizle

This made Snake sad. He frowned at the letter. But then there was a knock at the door. Snake hesitates before opening it. It was Sebastian. This surprised Snake. His eyes widens.

"B Black..." Said Snake. Sebastian smiles. He sighed.

"Please sit down Snake." Said Sebastian. Snake sat down. He was scared to disobey Sebastian.

"Now lately I feel there's been a little conflict going on between us. I don't want this to effect anything. You are allowed back in the manor. That was the Young Master's decision. Now if you want to make amends with me listen closely. I will set up some challenges in the manor you will have to face. If you can beet them then we can go back to normal. Sounds good?" Sebastian said. Snake nodded.

"But I don't feel it's a battle between Sebastian and Snake. I feel it's a battle between Sebastian and Drunk Snake." Snake grinned he ran to the fridge and got really drunk. Sebastian smiled and started to walk put of the house. Snake closed his eyes and smiled.

"KEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAATTTTTTSSSS!" Screamed Snake.


	13. The Two Reapers

Grell stood there with all the snakes all tied up. Sebastian told him to keep the snakes with him. The snakes were struggling to escape.

"Uh.. I wish Bassy was here with me." Said Grell. Oscar hissed at Grell. Grell frowned. All of sudden William walked over to Grell.

"William!" Said Grell as his eyes started to sparkle. Will adjusted his glasses.

"Grell you should be doing work! Why do you have those snakes?" Asked Will.

"Well Bassy told me to steal these snakes from Snake the person." Said Grell. William sighed. He walked over to Grell. He put out his hands.

"I'm returning these to Snake." William said.

"B but.." Said Grell. William glared and Grell and adjusted his glasses again. Grell sighed and handed the snakes to Will.

"Thank you Grell. Maybe if you acted like this more often we could... Um be... Friends or um... Maybe something else...uh forget it." Will blushes and jumped away. Grell smiled. He wanted to cool down from all the craziness. What else to cool down with but beer.


	14. Drunk Again

Once again Snake was very drunk. He walked through the woods heading back towards the Phantomhive manor. He started to skips there. Then he started to crawl. He did many weird things in his way there.

"I am Snake and I'm drunk." He said to himself. He started to spin as he walked. He jumped up in the air every so often.

"Look at me, I can fly because I am a fairy man!" Snake yelled. He starts moving fasSnake and ter. Then he started to sing.

"I am Snake and I'm drunk! Look at me! I can fly because I am a fairy man! I will eat the wall! You can't stop me! I will eat it! Do you think that nuts as real?! If you do then you are cool! KEEEEAAATTTSSS!" Snake sang. He continued his way towards the manor.


	15. Returning The Snakes

Snake was still walking home when Will approached him.

"Hello Snake." Said Will. Snake looked at Will. He saw his snakes.

"Oh hey Suit! What are you doing with my friends!?" Said Snake. Will adjusted his glasses.

" I happen to know the person who took your snakes. Here you go. By the way, my real name is William." Said William. Will handed the snakes to Snake.

"Were finally with Snake again - says Emily. Yes you are. Thank you so much Will. Hmm Will... You should be called Willy T." Said Snake. Will raises an eyebrow.

"Hmm Willy T, that does have a nice ring to it. I'll think about it. I'll be off then." Said Will. Wily T then headed off. Snake once again with his snakes, ready for the challenges to come.


	16. A Drunk Couple

Snake was walking home now with his snakes. He alms it at the manor.

"Snake be d drunk hdhs - says Emily" said Snake. The translations weren't comming out to perfect due to Snake being drunk. Very close to the manor he saw Lizzie dancing. He ran over to her and hugged her.

"Princess Lizle what are you doing here?!" Asked Snake.

"I got drunk and ran away from home" said Lizzie."

"Oh so were both drunk" said Snake.

"Oh you're drunk. That's cool." Said Lizze. Snake nodded. He then explained to Lizzie what he needed to do.

"Okay let me come with you" said Lizzie.

"Okay" said Snake. They then walked to. The manor. The went to the front door and knocked.


	17. Welcoming

The couple waited at the door. Sebastian and answered it. He looked at them.

"Ah Snake" He said and then looked at Lizzie "and it seems Lady Elizabeth is here as well. Come in." He walked in the house and mentioned for the two to follow. Snake and Lizzie entered. Everything looked normal when the entered. Sebastian took them to the living room.

"I'm sorry Lady Elizabeth but you will have to stay here while Snake faces his challenges" said Sebastian. Lizzie frowned.

"Shit" said the young girl. Sebastian giggled a little.

"Come Snake" said Sebastian as he started to walk towards the kitchen.

"Wish me sucky luck" said Snake as. He started to follow the butler. Lizzie smiled. She sat down on the couch. All of sudden Grell jumped in the window.

"Hey there mother fucker I'm as drunk as a snake!" Screamed Grell. Lizzie jumped up and looked at her.

"So am I!" Yelled Lizle. They looked in each other's eyes they both had the same thought. Lizzie took out some swords and Grell took out her chainsaw.

"CRAZY DRUNK BATTLE!" They both yelled at the same time.


	18. The First Challenge

**Okay so let me explain some things so this chapter makes sense. Ash didn't burn down Ciel's manor but he did burn down London because of the Queen's orders. Whoever does it in the manga burned down the manor. Sebastian let Ash survive. Then later Ciel and Alois fall in love. After that all the manga stuff happens and then this.**

SebSnake and Sebastian walked into the kitchen. Bard was there with a plates of food. They were all burnt.

"Eh Snake you get to eat some of my food" said Bard. Sebastian sighed.

"I had Bard prepare you five plates of food. As you can see there all burnt. If you can eat them all without barfing you win." Said Sebastian.

"No fucking problem! I'm drunk and I'll eat anything!" Yelled Snake. Snake shoved the food into his mouth.

"Was that supposed to be hard?!" Asked Snake. Sebastian frowned.

"Well the first challenge is the easiest." Said Sebastian. All of a sudden a scream came from upstairs. It was Mey Rin. Sebastian sighed.

"Ash!" Sebastian called. Ash came walking in.

"Yes Sebby?" Asked Ash.

"Will you please take Snake to his next challenge while me and Bard go check on Mey Rin?" Asked Sebastian. Ash smiled at Sebastian.

"Oh course" said Ash. Sebastian smiled.

"Thank you" said Sebby. Sebastian went upstairs and Bard followed. Ash then took Snake to the next challenge.


	19. Love and Laughs

Ash led Snake to the next challenge.

"Alright Snake for your next challenge you have to make Ciel laugh" said Ash. Snake nodded. He walked up to Ciel's room and knocked on it. Inside Ciel and Alois were making out. Ciel blushes as he heard the knock. He stopped kissing and looked at the door.

"Who is it?" Asked Ciel.

"Snake" said Snake.

"Well I'm a little busy... With um... Things" said Ciel. Alois giggled.

""Things that make me very happy" Alois whispered to Ciel. Even though Alois was whispering Snake still heard him.

"Is Alois in there?" Asked Snake.

"Yes were playing chess" said Alois. Snake stood there for five seconds.

"KEATS" screamed Snake. Ciel and Alois started bursting out laughing. They were both smiling. Snake smiled and walked back to Ash.

"Did you hear that?" Asked Snake. Ash giggled a little.

"Yes I did!" Ash exclaimed. They then went to the next challenge.


	20. The Cats

**Write a review maybe? If you do you get virtual cookies.**

Snake and Ash walked outside to the garden. That's where the next challenge was placed. Outside waiting for them was Finny. He waves to them.

"Hello Ash" He looked at Snake "Hello Snake and good luck!" Said Finny. Snake smiled.

"You can do it now Finny" said Ash. Finny nodded and walked away for about a minute. When he came back he had about one hundred cats that looked the same. They all looked like the one Snake stole from Sebastian. Snake's eyes widened.

"If you can guess which one if these cute little kitties is the one you stole from Sebby then you beat this challenge. You have three guesses." Said Ash. Snake was scared. He didn't know what to do.

"Well um I think that the cat may just happen to be eating a pine cone so that one" Snake said as he pointed to a random cat. Finny shook his head. snake thought about it.

"The cool guy Fredrick awesomepants" said Snake as he pointed to another random Snake.

"Try again" said Finny. Snake thought about it. He didn't know which one to pick. Then he got it. He lifted Oscar up.

"Oscar wants to play!" Yelled Snake. All of a sudden one of the cats jumps dos and tried to bite Oscar. Snake moved Oscar away before they could.

"I think it's this one" says Snake.

"Correct" said Ash. They then moved on to the final challenge.


	21. The Final Challenge

Pawn led Snake upstairs for his final challenge. They stopped at a door.

"Okay this were we depart. I wish you good luck." Said Ash.

"Thanks" said Snake. Ash then left. Snake looked at the door.

"TIME TO BEAT THIS SHIT!" Yelled Snake as he opened the door. Inside the room was Sebastian. He was looking at the ground. Sebastian looked up. He smiled.

"Ah Snake you're here. For your final challenge you will have to get past me. I will try bit to severely injure you. He thing is you're not trying to get passed Sebastian" Said Sebby as he took out a bunch of beer. "You are trying to get past Drunk Sebastian." Snake smiled at Sebastian.

"JUST DO IT!" Yelled Snake. Sebastian got super drunk.

"KITTENS!" Yelled Sebastian.

"KEATS!" Yelled Snake.


	22. The Reaper vs The Meeper

"Lizzie and Grell pounced at each other. Lizzie took a swing at Grell. Grell dodged it. The reaper took his death scythe and swung it at Lizzie. Lizzie used her sword to shield her. Lizzie was so skilled that she could make her swords sustain the power of a death scythe. They fought for a few minutes.

""MEEP" Screamed Lizzie. She took some swings at Grell. Grell dodged theses attacks.

""Excuse me sweetie?!" Said Grell.

""I said fucking MEEP!" Yelled Lizzie.

""WELL THATS FINE WITH ME!" Yelled Grell. They then fought for ten more minutes.

""I'm fucking tired" said Lizzie.

""So am I" said Grell. They both collapsed on the floor.


	23. His Butler Drunk As Fuck

Snake ran towards Sebastian. Sebastian jumped up and landed behind Snake. He grabbed Snake and held him still. The butler smiled. He took his hand to cover in Snake' mouth.

"I'm simply one hell of a drunk fuck" Sebastian whispered in Snake's ear. Snake got a little scared. He licked Sebastian's hand. Sebastian took his hand off Snake and took a step back.

"Eww" said Sebastian. Snake started running towards the door her needed to get to.

"SANIK SPEED!" Yelled Snake.

"Hey wait up a minute you not doing that yet I need to spank you!" Yelled Sebastian. Snake ran to the door with Sebastian following closely behind him.


	24. SCREAMING KEATS

Snake was running to the door. He was sprinting there with all his speed. He needed to get there. He has to this. This was not a want, it was a need.

"I WILL BE THE CHAMPION!" Yelled Snake. Just as Snake was about to reach the door Sebastian tackled him. They both fell to the ground.

"NOOOO!" Yelled Snake. Snake struggled to get up. This was a must.

"I guess I win go fucking demons, and butlers, and kitties Bla Bla Bla" said Sebastian. Snake was too drunk to think twice about why Sebastian added demon in there. Snake started to cry. A bunch of crazy emotions were coming to him. He cried for about a minute while squirming. He the stopped. He turned still. He opened his mouth.

"KKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAATTTTTSSSSSS!?" Yelled Snake. He jumped making Sebastain going flying in the air. Snake then rB to the door and got in. He hD one the final challenge.


	25. Sober Snake

**The final chapter of Drunk Snake. The end of it unless anyone wants a sequel... Well please review wether you liked or not. I appreciate feedback. Also I would like to thank you for reading this far**. **Also if you're reading this with reading chapter 19 and it was just chapter 18 again I made mistake and now it's the actual chapter 19.**

Snake had won. He had gone in the door and won. The challenges were over and everything was gonna go back to normal. Sebastian smiled.

"It seems you won" said Sebastian while drinking some water. Snake smiled.

"I diiiiiiid" said Snake. Sebastian handed some water to Snake.

"Thanks" said Snake. He took a drink of water. Snake and Sebastian both got sober. They went downstairs. Almost everyone was downstairs in the living room. Lizzie and Grell were there. Ciel and Alois were there. The other servants were there. Will and Ash were there. Basically everyone from the story but the bear was there.

"So the challenges are over?" Asked Ash.

"Thats correct" said Sebastian.

"So who won?" Asked Alois.

"Me" said Snake.

"Wait you're talking without translating even when you're sober?" Ciel said easing an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah.. Heh heh I guess I am" said Snake. Snake smiled. Everyone else smiled as well. All of a sudden Lizzie's mom came in.

"Lizzie I forbid you from dating the Snake boy!" Yelled Francis. Snake and Lizzie both frowned. Lizzie walked up to her mother."

"Pllleeeeassseee?" Said Lizzie.

"Nope" said Francis.

"PLEEAASE CIEL IS ALREADY TAKEN BY ALOE WHEEZE!" Lizzie out on a pleading look. She had puppy dog eyes on. Francis looked over at Snake. He had the exact same look on. She sighed.

"Fine" said Francis.

"Yay!" Lizzie and Snake both said at the same time. Snake walked over to Lizzie.

"Time to swim in the deep end" Snake whispered in Lizzie's ear. Snake then picked up Lizzie and took her to a bedroom.

 **The End. Well I hope you liked it. Please review.**


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